Redha tu ikhlas #2

After like 2 years receiving countless blessing from You, I kind of lost it when I read that mail last night. I've got so lost that I forgot to thank You for that outcome I've received. Frankly speaking it was kind of unbearable, plus thinking of how am I going to spill this thing to mama and abah? to my family? what about those dreams of becoming like kekla; wearing that gold/pink thingy sling to body on your convocation day? It all shattered at that moment. All shattered in the blink of an eye. Worst part of all it was that particular favorite thing that caused all this mess. I felt numb. Theres like thousands of other feelings that crumbling inside me that has not yet been fully understood by me but all of it sums up to a total grief and frustration. I shouldnt feel this way I know. Forgive your weak slave please dear Allah. Fill me up with strength to face all the challenges that has yet to come. Forgive me for dissapointing my parents in so many ways that there;s nothing I could do to make it up to them. Forgive me on my worst attitude of not being grateful as it may seemed like a disaster for me but it is actually a blessing from You; the Most Merciful the Most Powerful. It may be hard to swallow and it would take time too but please provide me enough strength for these days to come. May all this bumps along the way wont bring me down and bring me far from You. Thank you Allah for everything that have ever happened to me. Alhamdullilah for all of these ups and downs. Thank you for listening. I know you'll always be there to guide us and only your guidance that we need to continue our journey to You.

Redha itu ikhlas.

Somehow it bring me so down and so deep into frustration. Yes. Ya Allah please make me strong to face all these things

I've procrastinate too much. #ImDoomed

sanity at its best

i noticed that i rarely write these days. be it on my journal or in here. i used to love writing and pouring up my thoughts through words. i've no idea what had happened. i still have those moments where i need to spill something and just let my thoughts be free. nowadays most of the thoughts just went away and simply...forgotten. my journal also is being left out at the rumah sewa back in shah alam and only God knows how dusty it has been. like one moment i felt like drawing something. later i felt like goobling(is this word even exist) on a huge, pinky cotton candy. or blowing bubbles. yeah i'm random like that. some people thinks i'm weird but no worries, those were not the one i'm close to and i couldnt care less about what they think.

The risk of stalking.

Well its more like passing by a page, not stalking :P Btw, just checked out the juniors fb page just now and they're 17 now. an SPM leavers. those form 1 kids when we're in form 4 grown massively tall and matured and just,  wow. 

well here's the thing. every time I check out one of their profile or pictures, this longing of being there immediately come to me. yeah. longing of the place that changed my life. eh? well sort of. i miss maktab. i miss langkawi. i miss TL. i miss clas. i miss DK. i miss DH. i miss everything about my times there. how fast time flies seeing those tiny kids grown happily there. their bond must be really strong too. like seriously, u should check those pictures out! omg i'm going nuts =.=

seeing them all graduated from maktab and all that also made me realize that i've grown too. so much. I'm a big 2  0 girl now. thats why. 

here's the thing old sissy. move on! -______-

a thought about love.

my sister once told me if the guy is sincere and really serious about your relationship he would always be there. He introduces u to his family and friends. He would be there when u're sick. Or simply when u're desperately need him. It got me thinking. U're not really there when i needed u the most. Your family and friends dont even know I'm exist. I told u i was sick but u still turn u back on me. That's pretty obvious what happened there don't u think?

Just saying...